Ten Cognitive (Thinking) Traps

1     All or nothing thinking:

You see things in black & white categories & there are no shades of grey. If a situation is less than perfect you see it as a total failure.

2.       Overgeneralization:

Here, one unfortunate event leads to the assumption that this will happen every time, but remember there is no justification for seeing one instance as proving the rule. Recognised by thinking involving the words always or never.

3.       Mental Filter:

You pick out a single negative detail & dwell on it exclusively. One word of critics eradicates all the praise you have received.

4.       Disqualifying the positive:

You reject the positive experiences by insisting they don’t count, maybe they are a fluke. If you do a good job, you tell yourself it was easy, or anyone could have done it.

5.       Jumping to conclusions:

You interpret things negatively when there are no facts to support your conclusion. Two common variations are mind-reading (you arbitrarily assume that someone is reacting negatively to you), & fortune telling (You predict that things will turn out badly).

6.       Catastrophising :

You exaggerate the importance of your own problems & shortcomings to disaster proportions – “I made a mistake, how awful; I can never show myself here again.” Do you feel this way about other people when you see them make a mistake?

7.       Emotional Reasoning:

You take your feelings as facts, assuming your negative emotions reflect the way things really are, as in “I feel guilty, so I must be a rotten person”, or “I feel anxious, so there must be some real danger.”

8.       Should statements:

Based upon out assumptions, you think you should be perfect all the time, should never make a fuss or never get angry. You may assume others should always be able to anticipate your needs, or this is proof they don’t care for you.

9.       Labelling:

An extreme form of all or nothing thinking, you label yourself as a ‘useless person’ on the basis of one mistake. It makes as much sense labelling yourself a joiner, because you put up a shelf.

10.   Personalisation & blame:

You hold yourself personally responsible for events that aren’t entirely under your control, & which may involve others’ actions or decisions making too.

Rules Of Being Human

Rules of Being Human by Dan Millman 

• When you were born, you didn't come with an owner's manual. These guidelines help make life work better!

• You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but make the best of it because it’s going to be with you for the rest of your life. 

• You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full time informal school called life on planet Earth. Every person or incident is the Universal Teacher 

• There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of experimentation. ‘Failures’ are as much a part of the process as ‘Successes’ 

• A lesson is repeated until it is learned. It is presented to you in various forms until you learn it, then you go to the next lesson. 

• If you don’t learn easy lessons they get harder. External problems are a precise reflection of your internal state; pain is how your subconscious gets your attention. First it whispers, then it Yells. When you clear inner obstructions, your outside world changes. 

• You will know you have learned a lesson when your actions change. Wisdom is practice, practice, practice, practice. Remember a little of Something is better than a lot of Nothing. 

• ‘THERE’ is no better than ‘HERE’. When your ‘THERE’ becomes ‘HERE’, you simply obtain another ‘THERE’ that looks better than ‘HERE’

• Others are only mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another unless it reflects something you love or hate in yourself.

• Your life is up to you. Spirit provides the canvas you do the painting. There are three kinds of people; those who make things happen, those who watch what happens, and those who wonder what happened. Take charge of your life - or someone else will. 

• You always get what you want. Your subconscious rightfully determines what energies, experiences and people you attract, therefore only the foolproof way to know what you want is to see what you have. 

• There is no right or wrong, but there are consequences and responsibilities. Corollary Law: no one gets away with anything; everything has a value – and a price; you pay now, or you pay later. 

• Your answers lie inside you. Children need guidance from others; as we mature, we trust our hearts, where the laws of spirit are written. You must know more than you have heard or read or been told. All you need to do this is look, listen and trust.

• You will tend to forget all this. That’s why it’s good to remind one another.

How to attain at mental peace - By SHRI GYAN RAJHANS

I came across this was really touched by it. So much so that I've copied to my B.O.S.

How to attain at mental peace - By SHRI GYAN RAJHANS

On several occasions, I have been asked to speak on the ways and means to attain peace of mind - the most sought after 'commodity' in human life since time immemorial, especially so in today's world in the rat race of commercialism and cut-throat competition. It appears that most of us are in a state of perpetual restlessness notwithstanding the good health care and basic economic security that we enjoy. On analyzing the causes of this restlessness, I have ventured to find for myself ten solutions to attain peace of mind that I would be happy to share with you. I call them the "ten commandments" because they need to be followed religiously and with complete diligence if we are serious about achieving perfect peace of mind.

1. Do not interfere in others' business unless asked
Most of us create our own problems by interfering too often in others' affairs. We do so because somehow we have convinced ourselves that our way is the best way, our logic is the perfect logic, and those who do not conform to our thinking must be criticized and steered to the right direction, our direction. This kind of attitude on our part denies the existence of individuality and consequently the existence of God, for God has created each one of us in a unique way. No two human beings can think or act in exactly the same way. All men or women act the way they do because they are prompted to do so by the Divine within them. There is God to look after everything. Why are you bothered? Mind your own business and you will have your peace.

2. Forget and forgive
This is the most powerful aid to peace of mind. We often nurture ill feeling inside our heart for the person who insults or harms us. We foster grievances, which in turn results in loss of sleep, develops of stomach ulcer, high blood pressure and many other ailments that stealthily gnaws us from within. We forget that the insult or injury was done to us once but by nourishing the grievance we go on excavating the wound forever. Therefore it is essential that we cultivate the art of forgiving and forgetting. Believe in the justice of God and the doctrine of Karma. Let Him judge the act of the one who insulted you. Life is too short to waste in such trifles. Forget, forgive, and march on.

3. Do not crave for recognition
This world is full of selfish people. They seldom praise anybody without selfish motive. They may praise you today because you are rich and have power but no sooner you are powerless, they will forget your achievement and start criticizing you. Moreover, each person is a mortal with a bundle of defects in them. No one individual is picture perfect. Then why do you value the words of praise of another mortal like you? Why do you crave for such false recognition and lose your peace of mind if the world does not praise you? Believe in yourself. People's praises do not last long and are not worth it. Do your duties ethically and sincerely and leave the rest to God.

4. Do not be jealous
We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb our peace of mind. You know you work harder than your colleagues in the office but they get promotions, you do not. You started a business several years ago but you are not as successful as your neighbor whose business is only one year old. There are several examples like these in every walk of life. Should you be jealous? No, remember everybody's life is shaped by his previous Karma that has now become his destiny. If you are destined to be rich, not all the world can stop you. If you are not so destined, no one can help you either. Nothing will be gained by blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will not get you anywhere, but will only give you restlessness.

5. Change yourself according to the environment
If you try to change the environment single handily, the chances are you may fail. Instead, change yourself to suit the environment. As you do this, even the environment, which has remained unfriendly for you, will mysteriously appear to be congenial and harmonious.

6. Endure what cannot be cured
This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into an advantage. Every day we face numerous inconveniences, ailments, irritations and accidents that are beyond our control. We must learn to put up with these things. We must learn to endure them cheerfully thinking, "God will it so, so be it". God's logic is beyond our comprehension. Believe it and you will gain in patience, in inner strength, in will power.

7. Do not bite more than you can chew
This maxim should be always remembered. We often tend to take more responsibilities than we are capable to carry out. This is done to satisfy our ego. Know your limitations. Why take on additional loads that may create more worries? You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your external activities. If you have extra time, then spend it in an inward life of prayer, introspection and meditation. This will reduce those thoughts in your mind, which make you restless. Fewer the thoughts, greater is the peace of mind.

8. Meditate regularly
Meditation makes the mind thoughtless. This is the highest state of peace of mind. Try and experience it. If you meditate earnestly for half an hour every day, you will tend to become calm during the remaining twenty-three and a half hours. Your mind will not be disturbed as much as before. You must gradually increase the period of daily meditation. You may think this will interfere with your daily work. On the contrary, this will increase your efficiency and you will turn out more work in less time.

9. Never leave the mind vacant
Empty mind is the devil's workshop. All evil deeds start in the mind. Keep your mind occupied in something positive, something worthwhile. Actively follow a hobby. Do something that holds your interest. You must decide what you value more - money or peace of mind. Your hobby, like social work or temple work may not always earn you more money, but you will have a sense of fulfillment and achievement. Even if you are resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy reading or mental chanting of God's name (japa).

10. Do not procrastinate and never regret
Do not waste time in wondering "should I or shouldn't I?" Days, weeks, months and years may be wasted in that futile mental debating. You can never plan enough because you can never anticipate all future happenings. Always remember God has His own plan too. Value your time and do things. It does not matter if you fail the first time. You can rectify your mistakes and succeed the next time. Sitting back and worrying will lead to nothing. Learn from your mistakes but do not brood over the past. DO NOT REGRET! Whatever happened was destined to happen only that way. Take it as the will of God. You do not have the power to alter the course of God's will. Why cry over the spilt milk?

May God help you remain at peace
With yourself and the world
Om shanti shanti shanti

Be Thankful

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something,
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
Because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes.
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary,
Because it means you've made an effort.
It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings.
-Anon